one year ago...

it was one year ago yesterday that i landed in the hospital.  carried out of my home on a stretcher in excruciating pain.  a battery of xrays and scans later, a stunning cancer diagnosis was delivered to me.

to honor myself and this deeply challenging and extraordinary year, i've created a weekend of special events.  i've been looking forward to these, and anticipating the anniversary as a time when i would reflect on what was and what is.  i also found, yesterday morning, that fear and trepidation were lurking in the mix.  the echoes bouncing off last year july 20 were loud and painful.  they brought up sorrow and anxiety.  i feel an urgency, and then remind myself to have patience, take time...

thankfully, at the end of the day, there was a blissful reprieve and a vivid actualization of the path that feels most true to me, now.  i finished the day participating in a wonderful kirtan event and my soul sang for joy.

EVERYTHING IS WAITING FOR YOU



(After Derek Mahon)



Your great mistake is to act the drama
 

as if you were alone.  As if life 


were a progressive and cunning crime
 

with no witness to the tiny hidden 


transgressions.  To feel abandoned is to deny 


the intimacy of your surroundings.  Surely,
 

even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
 

the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
 

out your solo voice.  You must note 


the way the soap dish enables you,
 

or the window latch grants you freedom.


Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.


The stairs are your mentor of things
 

to come, the doors have always been there
 

to frighten you and invite you,
 

and the tiny speaker in the phone 


is your dream-ladder to divinity.



Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into 


the conversation.  The kettle is singing 


even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
 

have left their arrogant aloofness and 


seen the good in you at last.  All the birds
 

and creatures of the world are unutterably


themselves.  Everything is waiting for you.



~ David Whyte ~

a wonderful interview with David Whyte can be listened to here:  Being at the Frontier of Your Identity