interdependence - thoughts from me on my healing path...


    i’ve been thinking more about the nature of interdependence, and how it is infinitely more interesting and meaningful to me than independence.  independence is over-rated, particularly in this country.   for a long time, i was instructed to be independent.  and then described as such.  like it was some prize.  it is not.

     what feels most right and true is to live knowing, feeling, rocking on the understanding, that i am with - that i am inextricably linked with everything and everyone, that i am a part of a vast tapestry of supportive, interdependent beings and creatures and energies.  and with this vital knowledge and experience permeating my entire being, my every cell, i feel and i will feel differently, my relationships are different and become different.  leaning into someone or something is the natural thing to do, as is standing strong so that someone else can do the same with me.  that together, hand in hand, we create and build our lives, and love our lives, and love life and one another.

    sounds obvious perhaps.  but i’ve come to see just how ingrained in me was/is (be gone already!) the notion that to be strong is to not need help or be dependent on others.   and that to be this kind of strong was the only acceptable or safe way.  further, now, i can see how, while i've been experiencing fine support of all kinds during this difficult time in my life, i’ve been harboring a fear that when i become stronger, and am fully healed, support will vanish.  that’s troubling for someone in my current state of health, who wants full recovery.    i need to know, in every facet of my being, that even as i get stronger and stronger, support will still be there.  i am supported.  no question.  strength and support - strength through support - are vital partners in a life lived and lived well.  the healing continues...

*****

    i saw my surgeon again last week.  it was a more reassuring visit than the last two.  he was very pleased to see increased bone growth in my femur.  he said, “i don’t know how you’re doing it, but you’re growing bone.”  yes, indeed!  my respect for my body’s wisdom and knowledge has grown a hundredfold since last summer.  i’m doing everything in my power to support it, and it’s using that support in just the way it needs.  so, the surgeon says that i can begin walking unaided indoors and continue with the cane outdoors.  he is now less worried about falls.  he’s feeling more confident about the strength of the area, and that now the metal rod itself is getting some of the support it needs from the newly formed bone.  i hadn’t realized until the last visit in february that the relationship between the rod and bone needs to be a mutually supported one for long-term health.   mmm, yes...  naturally.

lots of love to you all,
wendy

the juice

 the ongoing healing process can be all-absorbing.  and sometimes the email/internet way of communicating seems less than appealing.  i get so i crave a voice, our voices, in conversation.

    i’ve made some truly remarkable discoveries in the last month or two.  i’m going to be vague for the moment because i’m still learning so much about this new realm that i can now consciously step into or invite.  but i’ll tell you, it rocks in the most powerfully juicy way.

    and then there’s this:  i’m feeling some combination of being on a strong healing path and on the lookout for dark clouds in the sky....  and trying to forget those dark clouds...  get out from under just the possibility of them...  or see them in a larger, more meaningful context... hold their dark, somber material in my hands, turn them around and study them... swim in them..  or dissolve them with joy!   this time of year, this transition from winter to spring, has given me trouble in previous years.  this year it’s hit me more on the emotional plane....  my emotions have been rolling up and down.  there’s some serious grieving going on, and so much else... 

    so, there is a regular meditation to keep clear on my path and light in my mind and my heart, to focus on healed, and, at the same time, acknowledging and honoring all of my very real needs at this time..  changes day to day.  listen, listen closely, wendy - what does your body/mind/spirit tell you is the way today?  be here, inside this moment.  it’s a delicate and spirited dance this healing path...

    it’s both a serious endeavor and one that begs a great deal of fun and playfulness and improvisation.  and remembering that joy is my protection and birthright.

    there are a whole host of specific means to treat or work-play with the body/mind/spirit that is ill.  at root, though, the most helpful medicine i’ve found, no matter what form, is steeped in the juices of love and generosity and profound support.  that it’s with that that different paths are suggested, doors open, and real health blossoms...

love to hear from you!
writing is good.  calling is better.  to hear your voice, to use mine, as we engage in conversation - oh, that feels good.
cell service is weird here.  so don’t get discouraged.  oftentimes i’m sitting right next to the phone when you call and it doesn’t ring.  i only get your message.  so leave a message!  because, also, the “history” on my phone may not register your number.  without your message, to me, it’s like you never called..!
if you’re on skype - let me know.  would be great to see your face as we talk.


    last, but not least, it’s my birthday next week - may 6.  special poignancy to this one.  celebrate with me, in whatever way you can.  happily, next weekend i’ll be deep into the ecstatic chant at the omega institute.  i received an all expenses paid grant to attend.  yes!  i will float a bright, sunlit, kirtan cloud into my birthday.

much love to you all,
wendy


email:  shusterstudio@yahoo.com
art website:  ShusterStudio
healing journey blog:  the juice - a healing journey
skype:  wendy.shuster