i’ve been thinking more about the nature of interdependence, and how it is infinitely more interesting and meaningful to me than independence. independence is over-rated, particularly in this country. for a long time, i was instructed to be independent. and then described as such. like it was some prize. it is not.
what feels most right and true is to live knowing, feeling, rocking on the understanding, that i am with - that i am inextricably linked with everything and everyone, that i am a part of a vast tapestry of supportive, interdependent beings and creatures and energies. and with this vital knowledge and experience permeating my entire being, my every cell, i feel and i will feel differently, my relationships are different and become different. leaning into someone or something is the natural thing to do, as is standing strong so that someone else can do the same with me. that together, hand in hand, we create and build our lives, and love our lives, and love life and one another.
sounds obvious perhaps. but i’ve come to see just how ingrained in me was/is (be gone already!) the notion that to be strong is to not need help or be dependent on others. and that to be this kind of strong was the only acceptable or safe way. further, now, i can see how, while i've been experiencing fine support of all kinds during this difficult time in my life, i’ve been harboring a fear that when i become stronger, and am fully healed, support will vanish. that’s troubling for someone in my current state of health, who wants full recovery. i need to know, in every facet of my being, that even as i get stronger and stronger, support will still be there. i am supported. no question. strength and support - strength through support - are vital partners in a life lived and lived well. the healing continues...
*****
i saw my surgeon again last week. it was a more reassuring visit than the last two. he was very pleased to see increased bone growth in my femur. he said, “i don’t know how you’re doing it, but you’re growing bone.” yes, indeed! my respect for my body’s wisdom and knowledge has grown a hundredfold since last summer. i’m doing everything in my power to support it, and it’s using that support in just the way it needs. so, the surgeon says that i can begin walking unaided indoors and continue with the cane outdoors. he is now less worried about falls. he’s feeling more confident about the strength of the area, and that now the metal rod itself is getting some of the support it needs from the newly formed bone. i hadn’t realized until the last visit in february that the relationship between the rod and bone needs to be a mutually supported one for long-term health. mmm, yes... naturally.
lots of love to you all,
wendy
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